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Question: (Dilemma)
I have a 6 years old daughter. She is studying in 1st std
(Indian School Jibroo). I take her studies regular (i.e.
Saturday-Wednesday), she is fair in studies. But I have a
small problem how to get her into studies everyday? I have
to force her everyday for her studies. How, unless I force
her she will not be ready to start anything and she will
keep on playing, scribbling, dancing, standing in front of
the mirror, this creates for me a big problem.
Because of this I start shouting at her and then my husband
hears this, he too shouts at me. This creates another big
problem. Then my mood gets completely off.
Madam can you please advise me how to come out of this
problem and how to sort it out. Can you please help me?
Answer:
I can understand the concern you are having over your
child’s behaviour. I feel that you are expecting a lot from
her. She is only a six-year-old girl. She enjoys what all
children of that age enjoy-playing, scribbling, dancing and
standing in front of the mirror. Here are some tips, which
you could use in order that you feel comfortable:
Use tools to motivate your child to study without using the
rod over her head. Fear brings out the worst in most cases.
Praise the child generously and criticize cautiously. Give
positive reinforcement all the time (stars, smiley faces,
stickers, tiny certificates, encouraging words, sweets,
badges, positive and genuine praise to the father).
Since your child is only in class I, play way methods could
be used to teach her schoolwork.
When you make her sit for studies, give her breaks (with
every 30 minutes of study, a 10 minute break). Children
should not be forced to study long hours. You can prepare a
home timetable showing the study time, playtime and the
breaks.
Give her ample time to scribble, play, dance and stand in
front of the mirror. She possibly wants to role-play. She
needs elbow space. Play with your daughter get involved in
her likes; she would automatically listen to you.
If the above would be followed, then your shouting would be
reduced with your daughter and would create less or no
friction with your husband, on your daughters account.
Question : (Concerned Parent)
My daughter is studying in 9th standard. As she joined this
new class, all her senior friends told her if she has this
particular teacher for this subject, she will need extra
tutorial help otherwise she will fail. I have not met this
teacher myself. My daughter wants to go to extra classes for
this subject. I am not in favour of this I would want to go
and meet the teacher/vice principal to explain the situation
and get it corrected. I feel there can be some merit in
senior student’s comments also. Secondly, please advise me
how to handle talking to this teacher. Do I go and tell him
how the students feel or should this be explained to the
vice-principal also.
I am hesitating because I had a bitter experience in a
similar situation some years back. I had gone ahead and
informed my daughter’s teacher that my child needs attention
in the following things in his subject. Throughout the year,
this teacher would point at her and tell her that your
mother is very worried about you so you please answer this
otherwise she will come and ask me. Is this not harassing
the student? After this incident, my daughter does not want
me to talk to his teacher. Please advise me.
Answer:
I would personally suggest that you meet the teacher
concerned, even before involving the Vice Principal. Share
your apprehensions and fears with the teacher. It is vital
that you express yourself to the teacher. Take care how you
communicate with the teacher. Blaming or pointing a finger
won’t help. Communicate with concern, empathy and
understanding. It should not put the teacher in a defensive
position. Explain to him what your daughter is experiencing
and feeling.
In case, it does not work out with the teacher even after
opening up channels of communication. Then, you could meet
the Vice Principal and explain your apprehensions.
Secondly, do not generalize what happened to you some yeas
ago-bitter experience. You cannot put it down as a general
rule. All individuals are different.
Question :( Parenting ADHD and a Dyslexic)
I have a son who is ADHD and Dyslexic, with a very high IQ
in class V. He Gets 35 on 40 in objectives. However leaves
the long answers so he barely passes. Please help!
Answer:
Children, both with ADHD and dyslexia, many times have
difficulty in performing their schoolwork, completing
assignments, completing tests, losing papers and not being
prepared.
The best way to help your son would be to work with your
child by managing the symptoms.
Firstly, you as a parent need to work with the school, by
requesting the teachers: -
Praise whenever possible
Find something he is good at
Frosting material helps learn better
Mark written work and key words
Put him on the first bench
Extra time given during exam
Spelling errors to be overlooked. Not too many red marks on
his paper to be made by the teacher
Supervisor can softly explain the question at the time of
the assessment
He could be exempted from taking the languages in the future
Physical activity to be given to the child. Early morning
exercises to be conducted for the child
Instructions by the teacher to be short and clear and simple
language
The student needs to practice:
Yoga and meditation
Anger management training
To be trained in any outdoor game or activity, i.e.:
swimming, football, cricket…
Working with talents
For the Parents: -
Father to be directly involved in the childs academic and
emotional sphere
Rewards and verbal praise on a continual basis will change
the attention problem
Computer games, artistic media, and action- based play,
building sets, sports can be effective
Establish a homework routine, overall routine
Provide a daily schedule
Explore his hidden talents
Focus on his strengths
Be patient
Keep in touch with his teachers, inform them of the childs
problems
Have the child read aloud daily for 15 minutes
Teach him to make notes-using key words. Make flash cards
for spellings
Teach him studying skills- mind maps
Teach him to answer Examination papers by giving him mock
written exams which are time bound
Let him do exercises to improve his fine motor
co-ordination. Kneading dough, tying his shoelaces,
stringing beads, separating pulses; playing in wet sand,
writing on sand paper, clay moulding, finger painting
A behaviour modification system of token awards would be
helpful
Encourage your childs self esteem
A multi-sensory approach is ideal for remediation.
Visual perception skills should be strengthened in the areas
of position in space
The use of colour coding to highlight the unit of sound
would help a lot.
E.g.:- If the long vowel ‘e’ is being learnt, then the
letters ‘ea’ and ‘ee’ should be written in a different colour than the rest of the word.
Question : (Inattentive!)
My daughter is nine years old, studying in 4th std. my
daughter doesn’t study at home even in class she pays less
attention, this what her teacher says. When I tell her to
study, she will read for sometime and come to me and ask
whether she can watch TV. When there is an assessment two
days before she starts studying. When I ask her the question
she answers correctly but when she goes to school and writes
the answer paper, she makes lots of mistakes and wrong
sentences and brings less marks. Her class teacher says she
gets distracted very fast. In all other activity she is very
smart. Please advice.
Answer:
The best way to help would be to work with your daughter’s
school, in finding ways to work with them, to help your
child to develop good habit.
3) Use behaviour modification techniques to help your child
improve one or two behaviours at a time. i.e. she should be
rewarded for small successes, as this will motivate her to
try harder. Later her successes would be the motivating
factor
4) Don’t expect all bad habits to go away over night. Be
patient and understanding
5) Build a routine for your child at home and help her to
adhere to it, stress on written work
6) While preparing for assessments, give her mock written
tests to evaluate her knowledge. The written test would help
you to know her expression in the language concerned,
spellings and content. This would reinforce her content.
7) Involve play while writing i.e. get her to write essays
or stories on her favourite topics or small paragraphs
copying from the text, on a regular basis
Question : (Interest to be created!)
Do you think senior class children need extra classes other
than what is taught to them in school? If they are taking
these classes, they do not have any time of physical
activity. Can you suggest some steps for these children to
be more attentive in class so that they do not have to be
dependent on extra coaching classes?
Answer:
Children of the senior classes do not need extra classes for
coaching. The schools do give a lot of worksheets to prepare
and coach the child, which if done seriously is enough. If
the child would like to practice more, he could individually
speak to the concerned teacher.
Yes, certain steps could be taken to be more attentive in
class: -
Students
1) Yoga and meditation would help them to concentrate in
class
2) Get involved at school in activities!
3) Be cautious of peer pressure
4) Take down points/ notes as the topic is being taught in
class
Parents
Talk to your children about school
Show interest in what your children are learning about
Encourage children to ask and answer questions about what
they are studying
Set up family literacy- related activities, such as regular
trips to the library, and reading to each other. This would
develop a viable climate
Attend or participate in school activities
Know the home work policy of the teachers
Help your children keep track of daily assignments
Help your children learn time management skills
Be consistent
Create curiosity and a sense of self study
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